From an old blog of mine, written in November 2010:
I'm wondering if this is really our call as Christians, especially as pastors and ministers. Ministry is quite frankly, the most uncomfortable thing I've ever done. It pushes me to deal with everything that blocks me from living the gospel and loving people. I am hesitant to admit those issues seem numerous.
I don't have it all together. I don't have it all figured out. And what's worse? I never will. There will never come a time when I will say, "Yup. I've figured it all out." Does it say anything about me that this is in any way surprising or frustrating?
Or perhaps something about my theology that I want to be in control and be perfect? I wish that weren't the case but the indicators point to "true." So I'm uncomfortable. Trying to figure out how to have a little more grace with myself about who God made me to be... and who I am."
And now in 2015, I still struggle to have grace with myself and all the things that I am not good at, that I am still figuring out. In ministry, pastors get real in touch with the things they are NOT good at. People point out our flaws and failings even as others celebrate our gifts. True humility is holding them both together, the saint and the sinner as Luther would say.
As we look back on the life of a dear friend and colleague this week at Bethel, it is easy to see the amazing ways that he has touched so many lives. But we also know he was not perfect. He had quirks and character flaws and his own special way of organizing that will never completely make sense to another living soul.
And we love him. Just as he was. This, for me, is a very special dose of grace.
Thank you Duane for your life, ministry, and friendship. You will be missed.
"Internship will be an uncomfortable year. Neither good nor bad but uncomfortable.
I'm wondering if this is really our call as Christians, especially as pastors and ministers. Ministry is quite frankly, the most uncomfortable thing I've ever done. It pushes me to deal with everything that blocks me from living the gospel and loving people. I am hesitant to admit those issues seem numerous.
I don't have it all together. I don't have it all figured out. And what's worse? I never will. There will never come a time when I will say, "Yup. I've figured it all out." Does it say anything about me that this is in any way surprising or frustrating?
Or perhaps something about my theology that I want to be in control and be perfect? I wish that weren't the case but the indicators point to "true." So I'm uncomfortable. Trying to figure out how to have a little more grace with myself about who God made me to be... and who I am."
And now in 2015, I still struggle to have grace with myself and all the things that I am not good at, that I am still figuring out. In ministry, pastors get real in touch with the things they are NOT good at. People point out our flaws and failings even as others celebrate our gifts. True humility is holding them both together, the saint and the sinner as Luther would say.
As we look back on the life of a dear friend and colleague this week at Bethel, it is easy to see the amazing ways that he has touched so many lives. But we also know he was not perfect. He had quirks and character flaws and his own special way of organizing that will never completely make sense to another living soul.
And we love him. Just as he was. This, for me, is a very special dose of grace.
Thank you Duane for your life, ministry, and friendship. You will be missed.
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