Looking Back

From an old blog of mine, written in November 2010:

"Internship will be an uncomfortable year. Neither good nor bad but uncomfortable. 

I'm wondering if this is really our call as Christians, especially as pastors and ministers. Ministry is quite frankly, the most uncomfortable thing I've ever done. It pushes me to deal with everything that blocks me from living the gospel and loving people. I am hesitant to admit those issues seem numerous. 

I don't have it all together. I don't have it all figured out. And what's worse? I never will. There will never come a time when I will say, "Yup. I've figured it all out." Does it say anything about me that this is in any way surprising or frustrating? 

Or perhaps something about my theology that I want to be in control and be perfect? I wish that weren't the case but the indicators point to "true." So I'm uncomfortable. Trying to figure out how to have a little more grace with myself about who God made me to be... and who I am."

And now in 2015, I still struggle to have grace with myself and all the things that I am not good at, that I am still figuring out. In ministry, pastors get real in touch with the things they are NOT good at. People point out our flaws and failings even as others celebrate our gifts. True humility is holding them both together, the saint and the sinner as Luther would say.

As we look back on the life of a dear friend and colleague this week at Bethel, it is easy to see the amazing ways that he has touched so many lives. But we also know he was not perfect. He had quirks and character flaws and his own special way of organizing that will never completely make sense to another living soul.

And we love him. Just as he was. This, for me, is a very special dose of grace.

Thank you Duane for your life, ministry, and friendship. You will be missed. 

Prepare and Hope - An Advent Sermon by Alison Williams

GOSPEL:
The beginning of the good news of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. 
As it is written in the prophet Isaiah, 
"See, I am sending my messenger ahead of you, who will prepare your way; the voice of one crying out in the wilderness: 'Prepare the way of the Lord, make his paths straight,'" 
John the baptizer appeared in the wilderness, proclaiming a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins. And people from the whole Judean countryside and all the people of Jerusalem were going out to him, and were baptized by him in the river Jordan, confessing their sins. 
Now John was clothed with camel's hair, with a leather belt around his waist, and he ate locusts and wild honey. He proclaimed, "The one who is more powerful than I is coming after me; I am not worthy to stoop down and untie the thong of his sandals. I have baptized you with water; but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit." 

“Prepare the way of the Lord.”

 This is what John the Baptizer preaches. This is what we hear from the prophet Isaiah. “Prepare the way of the Lord.” This is what the Advent season is all about. Preparing for the birth of that tiny baby boy who will change the world with his life and death and resurrection. This is what we take time to prepare for.

And yet, I am not altogether sure that we know what or how we prepare for the coming of the Christ child. We all know a lot about preparing for the holidays. Even our church has been beautiful decorated this weekend. And I know that I really enjoy shopping for a great present that I know someone will love and choosing wrapping paper that compliments the decorations up in my living room and tying on a beautiful bow. I know about decorating Christmas trees and making cookies and ensuring that I have carrots to put out on Christmas eve for the reindeer next to the milk and cookies for Santa. I even have special glitter to put on my lawn so the reindeer can find my house easily. Trust me, it works.

But I need God to be bigger than holiday glitter and advent devotions and beautiful hymns. I need God to be bigger than whatever meager preparations I might make to prepare a place in my heart and mind and soul and schedule for the Christ child. Perhaps this is because I feel powerless in the face of recent news. I have had an overwhelming depression settle about me in the last few weeks as I read more and more about black people dying. It seems never ending: the ugly backlashes as people jump to blame the police, the ignorant commentary from either side of the discussion, and the frustration and anger of many who have protested. I mourn for Eric Garner, Michael Brown, Trayvon Martin, for the deaths that have not reached national news, for the hundreds upon hundreds of black children who have been killed in Chicago in the last few years, for the racial injustice of our world and the fear that is a part of each and every one of us.

Xmas and Happy Holidays: Why Christians Need to Use These Words

<Begin rant.>

I get cranky this time of year. Not bah humbug type of cranky, because I love the holidays but cranky at all the self righteous Christians who berate people for saying an inclusive Happy Holidays or who tell me to keep Christ in Christmas when I use Xmas. I'm sure you've seen something like this on Facebook or perhaps shared it yourself:

I do not agree. It is Merry Christmas if I'm talking to a Christian. But saying Happy Holidays does not condemn me to hell or assume that I'm a terrible Jesus-hating Christian. I would hope it would assume something completely different, for instance, respect of other traditions like Kwanza, Winter Solstice, Hanukkah...

Walking the Talk

Alison Williams - Sep 28/29, 2014 - Bethel Lutheran Church - Prayer Shawls, 50th Anniversary for BLC Foundation, 3rd Grade Bibles, Baptisms

(Readings below)

Today, Jesus tells a story about two sons responding to their father’s instruction to go and work in the vineyard. One son says he will go but he doesn’t actually go. Another says he will not go but then he eventually does. So one is a verbal yes but with no action. And the other is a verbal no but with action. Then Jesus asks, which son do you think did what their father asked?

The answer seems as obvious to me as it was to the disciples: the one who did the will of his father was the one who actually worked, not the one who merely SAID he would. And we all know the adage, “Actions speak louder than words.” Then again, I also heard a different one growing that goes, “Do as I say, not as I do.” Did any of you get that growing up or say it when raising your kids?

Though the issue is laid in two extremes, each of us are scattered along the line in between the two extremes. We move along that line from day to day or from one situation to the next. We all say no to certain things and eventually change our minds and take action. We all say an immediate yes to something, only to never get around to actually doing it. Regardless of where you fall on the scale, I'd like to explore the idea that we are not the workers in the vineyard, that there are parts of us that SAY yes to God, but do NOT work.

Ass of you and me

I wasn't sure how it became September and now it is half way through September. I don't know where I picked up on the idea that summers were slower around church?? It's a lie.

So here's where I'm at. I'm frustrated with everyone. It seems it is just far to easy to NOT assume the best of people. I misread reservation dates and missed a reservation at a restaurant for a group I lead. I don't hear about this until a week later and it makes me sound like I am the biggest jack ass on the planet. Do they honestly believe I was sitting at home, laughing manically going, "Ha! This will show that restaurant. I bet they're holding that table open for me right now. SUCKERS!!"

No. Stop it.

Dull Saws and Burnout

I heard about this story from my amazing Spiritual Director a few months ago and then looked for the story again tonight as it was ringing true for me (this quote from here):

 "Stephen Covey tells a story of a man who’s working laboriously to saw down a tree. The work is difficult, and although he stays at his task diligently sawing away, very little progress is made. The saw blade is dull, too dull to make much of a dent in the tree trunk. When asked why he doesn’t sharpen the saw and therefore make the work easier and faster, the man says he can’t afford to stop. The tree must be cut down, and there’s no time to stop and sharpen the saw!" 

As I sat in that same Spiritual Director's office last week, sinking farther and farther into her couch, I told her how exhausted I was and how I didn't want to go to work lately and just felt blah. She looked across at me, almost lost to the folds of her couch and told me that these were early signs of burn out. She recommended vacation. ASAP. I of course said there was too much to do. I'm too far behind. 

Battered By the Waves