Depression in the Sunshine

I like to blame dark gray skies for my depression on the days when the sky is cloudy and gray.

Days like today? No excuse. The sun is out. It is gorgeous. It is warm.

It makes it more difficult to describe to people what depression is. But think of it like tree branches that creep up into a bright blue sky. Against a back drop of blue sky, they appear all the more dark and black. And they extend up towards the sky, reaching as high as they can, interrupting the expanse of blue.


There's a great video Matthew Johnstone did describing depression as a black dog and how he experienced that black dog. His accent makes it even better. "He could surprise me with a visit for no reason or occasion... Having a black dog in your life isn't so much about feeling a bit down, sad, or blue. At its worst, its about being devoid of feeling altogether."

I am open about the fact that I suffer from depression. I take medication to help manage it and have done a lot of work finding ways to tame my black dog. I light candles. Drink water. Be social even when I don't want to be. Do something creative like pottery, quilting, coloring, or needlework. I do mandalas. I read psalms. I do yoga.

And some days, it just strikes, even in the sunshine. It was really hard to get out of bed this morning. I get really good at playing games on my phone (like 2048 pictured to the right which is amazing and on which I have scored 70,564 points) or staring at a wall. I don't have much to say, especially the lighter conversations about weather or the daily news. I eat fried foods and sweets. And I have ZERO motivation to do any of the things I KNOW would help.

In my short time as a pastor, I've done funerals for two men my age who completed suicide. Two men in our congregation have completed suicide in the last two months. People I love have been suicidal and have attempted. Returning combat veterans and GLBTQ youth are especially at risk. This is a real issue and is happening now and to those we love.

I am fortunate that my depression has never led me to be suicidal, but I can relate to those who have. If you are suicidal or know someone who has, please talk about it. To me. To another pastor. To a counselor, friend, teacher, parent, sibling, spouse, or....

Call 911
or
1-800-SUICIDE
1-800-273-TALK
Text Telephone:
1-800-799-4TTY

Even on brilliant spring days, life can still seem without purpose or joy for some. Hold all who suffer from depression in your prayers today and be sure to enjoy the gorgeous sunshine on your face, too.