Staring at the Wall

A gorgeous tree in bloom here in Madison. Finally!

I see a Spiritual Director (who is amazing) once a month to talk about life, faith, being a pastor, being a child of God… all those good things. Over the past year I've made collages, written letters to God, begun praying for a future husband, created a mantra which I put on a ring I wear 24/7, and done lots of great work.

That's been my "homework" in a way. I saw her Monday. But my life has been kind of crazy lately with good things, random things, family things, work things, new relationship things, homeless issues and news media. As I listed one thing after another, including my new interest in suicide prevention, she and I were at a loss as to what my homework might be for this month. Stream of conscious journaling? But on which piece. I joked that I just felt like staring at a wall for a while. And we decided that's my homework for this month. Stare at a wall.

I love this homework. And it is still really hard. I'm really good at reaching for my cell phone to play 2048 or check email, at putting on a movie, finding new things on Pinterest, or organizing. Work has seemed so overwhelming of late that my mind kind of shuts down instead of selecting one task of the myriad of ones I need to do. So of course, I started organizing my shelves in my office. Not a great response, brain.

So today, I'm going to intentionally stare at the wall. Perhaps with a kitty cuddled up beside me and a cup of tea for my sore throat/head cold. No electronics. No noise except what happens in my neighborhood and whatever the cats crash in the house. (I might cheat and open the window and stare at that wall, but it still counts, right?)